Is It Cheating to See a Sex Worker?
People who are in relationships may be puzzled by the eternal moral gray area of whether visiting a sex worker constitutes cheating. In each relationship, both partners are responsible for setting and vocalizing their boundaries, meaning they must agree on what is appropriate versus inappropriate behavior. Since I don’t have a crystal ball to see into each relationship’s agreed-upon limits, I can’t give you a definitive answer that fits each couple. But, I can say for sure that seeing a sex worker is not always cheating, for many different reasons.
Let’s talk about bounded intimacy. In short, bounded intimacy is an intimate scenario where the feelings, interactions, and sex do not filter into other parts of everyday life. Sex workers are in the perfect position to offer bounded intimacy. We don’t go falling in love with our clients. Though we enjoy the time we spend with them, part of our professional boundaries dictate that we shouldn’t develop feelings—so, we don’t. This means your partner will never have to worry about 3 am phone calls, jealousy, or our time together turning into something more significant.
The way I often explain it to clients is that it’s like dropping your kids off at school. Their teacher loves spending time with them, but they’re certainly not going to kidnap your kid. When the time is up, both parties are ready to go back to their happy homes. This creates a safe sexual space that can co-exist peacefully with your relationship.
Services Sex Workers Offer
Depending on the boundaries in your relationship, seeing a sex worker could fit perfectly into your agreement. For instance, if you wanted to learn sex tips to increase your sexual competence, we can have a purely educational session. If you need help battling erectile dysfunction, I can guide you toward methods for managing it. Or, if you wanted to find out how to start topping or bottoming for your partner—or any other aspects of BDSM—I can give you industry-tested tricks for intense, sexy, kinky playtime. Or maybe you’d like to learn how to give your partner an erotic massage—that’s yet another one of my areas of expertise. I also help people recover from sexual trauma. Basically, any of my educational services would certainly not be considered cheating by most standards of any relationship.
Visiting a Sex Worker Is Distinct From Having an Affair
People in relationships are often primarily concerned with their partner having an affair. An affair, in most cases, poses a threat to your relationship because it’s not bounded intimacy—it’s unlimited intimacy. Your affair could include emotional, physical, mental, and other kinds of intimacy. Affairs are far more damaging to the health of a relationship because they could, in the end, replace your primary relationship.
It’s been said before, but it bears repeating: people who have affairs are not usually seeking someone new, they’re seeking a new version of themselves. They don’t want to be with a new person—they want to be a new person. Maybe someone carefree, witty, or charming in a way that their old identity no longer reflects or their relationship does not have room for. People who visit sex workers are often seeking something different from those who have affairs, like sexual education or to express a piece of their sexuality that their partner is unable or unwilling to engage in with them. Affairs are unquestionably riskier for your relationship than engaging in bounded intimacy with a sex worker.
Sexlessness and Long-Term Relationships
Long-term relationships don’t always include sex. Perhaps they did at the beginning, and the spark has faded. Or maybe a disease, injury, or disability has arisen that wasn’t there in the beginning. Either way, both partners may be fully content with the romantic relationship, but still must have their sexual needs attended to. This situation is something I help couples with all the time. For instance, you could come to me as a couple, and I could help you problem-solve ways to incorporate sensual touch that accommodates the disease, injury, or disability. Or, having a threesome could be just the spark that helps you reconnect with your partner sexually. Working with couples is one of the most rewarding services I offer. When you see a sex worker, you never have to be embarrassed about the state of your sex life because we’re not here to judge you. We’re here to help!
If you’re wondering if your partner would consider seeing a sex worker cheating, ask them! Communicating with your partner about sexual boundaries is the foundation for a healthy sex life. And you never know—maybe your partner would like to come visit me, too. If you’re feeling bored or neglected, chances are, your partner feels much the same way. The first step to fixing it is to talk about it together. And if talking about your sex life feels intimidating, I can help you MacGyver your sexual communication, too.
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Moonlite Bunny Ranch
69 Moonlight Rd
Carson City, NV 89706