This month, we’re talking about how to build anticipation before sex. One of the best ways to build anticipation sexually with your partner is by sexting each other when you’re apart. It makes your reunion so much hotter if you’ve been planning exactly what you want to do when you see each other in person once again.

Sexting can be a fun way to explore new facets of your sexuality, and it won’t be awkward if you avoid some of the pitfalls. It’s a great way to stay connected to your partner when you can’t physically be together. So, below are some tips to get you started sexting.

An Intro to Sexting

If you haven’t sexted much, there’s no time like the present to practice! The first thing you should do is check with your partner about whether or not they would be open to sexting with you. If they say no, don’t take it too personally. Some people have jobs where their phones are in constant threat of being seen by other people, and others just are not comfortable having their vulnerable information so easily accessible. But if they are game, then you’re both in for a good time.

After you know your partner is into the idea, send them a sext and be as descriptive as possible. If your partner isn’t around, what’s to stop you from cracking open your thesaurus and using some new words for familiar sights and sounds! Don’t fall into the trap of using common words like hot and cute—those get boring, quick. Go beyond your ordinary adjectives and tell them exactly why you’re so into them at this very moment. Be as specific as possible. Not only does this make for a hot sexting experience, but it also is a little ego boost for your partner! Win-win.

Next, focus on the details. An excellent way to do this is to use your five senses. Describe what the touch of their fingertips feels like on your back, the smell of their neck when you’re pressed close together, the sound of their breath, the taste of their skin, and how sexy it is to see them naked. Don’t skim over anything. Your partner will be a totally captive audience, especially when you’re talking about why they turn you on so much.

Lastly, don’t rush. The number one sexting mistake people make is rushing through it. If you jump to the end too quickly, the conversation comes to a screeching halt and it feels weird to backpedal. There are only so many ways to describe thrusting or licking or having yet another orgasm, after all! So, take your time getting there. Describe the setting where you’re having sex, what you’re wearing, how you’re feeling, and how you would undress. Sexting requires foreplay as much as any other type of sex, so make sure you don’t skip it.

Using Your Imagination

One of the sexiest things about sexting is that you’re not constrained by reality. This makes it a fantastic way to explore new fantasies together and learn about what turns you on. The stakes aren’t quite so high as when you actually experience the fantasies in person. So, you could role-play having a threesome or going to an orgy without having the visceral memories that come with actually partaking in those activities. And, if the role-play is fun, then you have a little bit more information about whether you’re interested in making those fantasies a reality—or keeping them as fantasies.

Further, your fantasies don’t even have to be possible when you’re sexting. If you want to role-play as a centaur having sex with a mermaid, you can do so with relative ease via sexting. You don’t have to buy costumes and learn about mermaid genitalia; you can just create your own hot little world of fantasy without regard for reality, gravity, or anything else that harshes your sexting vibes.

Mixing It Up

Sexting can include a lot of different things. Maybe you’re just sending each other hot messages, but you could also send some scandalous pictures here and there. Check with your partner before including a new type of media in your sext messages, and do what feels most comfortable. If you don’t want anyone to have nude pictures of you, you don’t have to send them! You can just send hot messages with descriptors of what you look like and are currently doing. But, if you want to send pictures, remember to keep your face or other identifying features (like a unique tattoo or mole) out of the pictures you send for your own privacy. Safe sexting is essential!

Want a Sexting Buddy?

You’ve found one! I’m always happy to exchange sexting messages with my clients. Email me at [email protected], and we’ll be swapping sexts before you know it.