When you and your partner have been together for a long time, things like vibes and atmosphere tend to be taken for granted. If you’re guilty of this, don’t worry. It’s a natural part of being together long-term. But it’s essential to start paying attention to the details, just like you did at the beginning of your relationship.
First things first: check the vibes in your relationship. If the mood is tense between you and your partner and you’ve been snapping at each other all day, having sex probably isn’t on the menu that night. Instead, spend some time finding the heart of the issue.
What are you both mad about, deep down? Psychologists will tell you that anger is a masking emotion. That means that there’s something underneath it, like sadness, shame, disappointment, or fear. You’ll have to be vulnerable and dig deep. Anger masks other emotions because those other feelings are pretty raw and scary to feel. But if you can be honest with each other, you might learn that your partner is scared that you don’t find them attractive anymore or that they are sad that you don’t have time for date night like you used to. So many relationship issues are easily fixable, as long as you can talk about them and are both invested in making an effort to change.
If you think the idea of seducing your partner after years together is ridiculous, prepare to be shocked. The first step to adding seduction back into your relationship is to take the idea that sex is a foregone conclusion and get rid of it. The art of flirting is crucial throughout a long-term relationship. It’s a way to remind your partner that you think they’re hot stuff and to remind yourself how good it feels to be wanted by them.
Think back to when you first dated. You probably made a decent effort to find a restaurant they would like or an activity that would be fun for both of you. Don’t choose the place you always go to! Find a new restaurant in your area, if you’re able, that’s brimming with romantic ambiance. Consider a romantic activity like dance lessons or having a picnic somewhere scenic.
Then, do the things you used to do when you were dying to be closer to them. Perhaps, touch them during your conversation. Try to make them laugh. Keep an eye on their body language to gauge if they’re having a good time and give them genuine compliments about how they look. Whatever you do, save all conversation about paying the bills, child-care, and anything else that will ruin the mood for another day. It can wait. And the extra attention you pay to them won’t go unnoticed. By the time you get home, you may be dying to rip each other’s clothes off!
If you’re both ready to go when you get home, consider having sex somewhere new. Don’t climb into bed for yet another round of missionary. Instead, opt for somewhere a bit more spur-of-the-moment, like the kitchen counter or even on the couch. Having sex somewhere new adds to the feeling of I-can’t-take-my-hands-off-of-you intensity.
See a Sex Worker
Okay, so this one is a little unorthodox, but it just might be the most effective one on the list. Before you sign up for some of the sex worker’s time, talk to your partner and ensure they’re on board with the idea first. Surprising them with a visit to a sex worker can feel like a bit of an ambush, so it’s best to include them in the decision-making process. This will be an in-depth discussion, as meeting with a sex worker can go in many different directions. So, you’ll want to talk about your boundaries with each other well before you ever meet with anyone.
Sex workers have so much to offer, and they can give you expert insight into how to keep the spark alive in a long-term relationship. You may decide you want to learn new sexual skills together. Perhaps you’d like to get better at oral, or maybe you’d like to learn how to safely try BDSM. Many sex workers can give you tips that they have picked up over the years so that you can experiment and explore together.
Or, you could make a memory that will turn you both on for years to come. You could have a threesome or an orgy with your partner, something that you’re certain never to forget! It’s a great way to spice things up because you don’t have to worry about anyone catching feelings. Once the experience is over, it’s over! And it’s a very emotionally safe way to do something new and exciting.