Oh, BDSM. A style of sex that was once so taboo that only your former sex partners would know if you were interested; now it’s become a mainstream fascination. Though many folks disagree on what exactly those four powerful letters stand for, to me they represent bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism. BDSM has had a special place in my heart since my teenage years, and now it is a topic that I’m a leading national expert in.

Below I have a few tips, but keep in mind that a wealth of information goes into keeping people safe when engaging in bondage, which is one of the reasons why it is a good idea to have your first experience with a professional. In short, this information is not comprehensive, so make sure you’re thoroughly educated before getting started.

We’re All Gluttons for Punishment
Some of my favorite BDSM activities include flogging, being tied up with rope or tying up my client, and over the knee spanking. I’d love to share these experiences with you if you already know you’re into them; or if you’re a newbie, I can give you a gentle, no-judgment intro that will help you find out whether or not it’s right for you.

Let’s start with flogging. Flogging takes a lot of practice and skill, so having your first time with a professional sex worker is a great idea. No one wants to end up with an injury due to an overzealous or undertrained partner! If you’re both newbies, you might not expect that there are pleasurable spots for flogging and no-fly zones for flogging. For instance, under no circumstance should the area around the kidneys be flogged. Avoid the spine—it just doesn’t feel good—and avoid any injuries or other areas that your partner doesn’t want to have involved. The butt is a perfect target to aim for, just mind that the tails don’t wrap onto the hips (you can do this by using a shorter swing or by yanking the flogger back before making contact) and make sure to avoid the tailbone.

Also, don’t forget to mention to your partner if you’re looking for a thumping (impact-based) sensation or a sharp, stinging sensation. This will help determine the best kind of tool for your pleasure and how the tool is brandished. If you or your partner has a high pain tolerance, this may not affect how intense an ideal flogging session is. Instead, how much overlap you find between pleasure and pain will have a lot more to do with it.

Over the Knee Spanking
Spanking someone over your knee is a special kind of adrenaline rush. Reminiscent of youth but armed with sexual desire, spanking can be just plain hot. A range of spanking can be incorporated into our BDSM session. Hand-to-tail is the simplest type of spanking, but sometimes a paddle is used to increase the impact.

Legally Binding
Being tied up with rope can be a really beautiful experience. The Japanese style of elegant rope bondage, called Shibari, is exquisite to behold. For some people, the aesthetically pleasing part of being tied up is the draw; for others, surrendering power to your partner or wielding sexual power yourself is what is most exhilarating. But no matter if it’s the look or the feel that interests you, I can help you learn safe, erotic ways to confine your partner. Or, if it’s more your style, I can restrain you and bend you to my will. The benefit of being a switch (which is my sexual identity within the BDSM community) is that I experience sexual fulfillment on both ends of the power exchange, whether I’m being dominant or submissive. This brings us to our next topic: dominance and submission.

From the Top to the Bottom
Role-play is inextricably tied to BDSM and is a fun way to play with personas that may not hold true for you in your regular, everyday life. Those interested in BDSM may already have an inkling if they’d be more interested in the role of the top (dominant) or the bottom (submissive). Switches are those who enjoy both sides of the spectrum, as I mentioned above. Switches may be more dominant or submissive depending on the erotic persona of their partner, or it may change just depending on their mood.

I’ll give you an easy way to find out which part of the power structure you might like to play with first.

Scenario A: Picture me tied up, legs spread with a spreader bar, struggling to get free. Perhaps you’ll spank me until I stop squirming, or perhaps you’ll punish me with orgasm after orgasm.

Scenario B: Picture me tying you up, and leaving you bound and gagged on the floor. I’ll undress just out of your range of reach, and start touching myself, leaving you helpless and conceivably frustrated. I can flog you until I’m convinced you’ve learned your lesson, and then maybe I’ll allow you your hand or mouth free.

If one of the above scenarios appealed to you more than the other, you might be a top (scenario A) or a bottom (scenario B). If it would depend on your mood or your partner, you may be a switch.

But, there are a lot of fantasies within the subheading of BDSM, so if neither appealed to you, you might just have more precise desires and fantasies—something more along the lines of a kink! For example, if it wouldn’t be interesting unless you were being watched, that likely means you’re into something like exhibitionism. When you get in touch with me, the more info I have, the more I can help narrow down what would be the best scene to create for you.

Kink and Fetish
Kink and fetish encompass vast swaths of sexual interests and needs. Kink and fetish can be fun, satisfying aspects of BDSM, and are so varied that it would be impossible to cover them all here. Sometimes fetishes are universally recognized like feet or leather, and those can be fun areas to explore and play with together. If you have a specific kink or fetish you’d like to explore, just email me and let’s get started planning a visit.

Better Safe Than Sorry
Let’s talk safe words. Consent is at the crux of BDSM; all parties have to be interested. As is often said in the BDSM community, any activities we engage in must be safe, sane, and consensual. The idea of consent is important during vanilla sex, but it is truly pivotal when playing around with BDSM. In order to do this, developing a safe word is a best practice. Sometimes, people will create a number of safe words: one for when everything is amazing, one for when you want to slow down a bit, and one for when you need everything to stop immediately. An easy way to remember these are like a stoplight: if you’re getting the green light, everything is going great. A yellow light means to ease up a bit, and a red light means full stop, pack it up!

Let’s Get This BDSM Party Started
I’m excited to plan a BDSM party with you, whether you’re brand new or a veteran on the scene. Email me to book some time, and then let’s stay in touch so I can learn everything I need to know about you to create the perfect, safe, intense BDSM experience for you.