BDSM As Therapy – Can It Help Your Marriage?

Maybe you’re a couple that has been together for many years and you feel that your sex life deserves something new to rekindle the flames. Maybe you’re just a young couple open to exploring new sexual practices together. You may even just be friend who occasionally ‘Netflix and Chill’!. Regardless of what your relationship dynamics are, BDSM can be a fun and interesting form of therapy to improve your sex life. BDSM primarily stands for bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism. In fact, BDSM is an overlap of acronyms: bondage and discipline (BD), dominance and submission (DS), sadism and masochism (SM).

Bondage and discipline (BD) incorporate the use of restraints such as cuffs, ropes, belts, hogties, harnesses, and more. Discipline involves acts such as spanking or the use of items such as chastity belts. Dominance and submission (DS) involve roles where one partner is dominant while the other submit to the control and orders of the dominant partner. Sadism and masochism (SM) literally mean receiving pleasure from inflicting pain upon others while masochism means deriving pleasure from one’s own pain or humiliation.

Images that might flash through your mind after that description could involve a cult of people hovered in a dungeon somewhere dressed in leather suits whipping a roped-tied person who screams mercilessly in pain. Some may think it’s some form of sexual abuse or even a sick fetish. The reality of BDSM, however, is far from that!

On the contrary, BDSM is all about sane, safe, and consensual activities. It is a sexual practice that highly regards the communication of limitations, safe words, and best practices. As a BDSM educator and presenter with over 10 years of experience, I have presented at global conferences and work with many couples to introduce them to this topic. While there are millions of websites and resources on BDSM, there is an overwhelming amount of articles, websites, videos, and other resources that do not go into the depth and details of BDSM play. Therefore, I always advise couples to seek guidance from a sex professional such as myself to learn about the right tools and techniques for BDSM. Learning things the wrong way can start you off on the wrong foot or even give you bad habits in the dungeon!

So what’s it like and why is it necessary to incorporate a BDSM educator into your kink life?

Just like learning any new type of skill, you and your partner need to be properly guided into the world of BDSM to ensure that pain comes with pleasure in a safe and controlled way. It can be daunting and risky to tie your partner up if you don’t know what you’re doing (you can even damage the nervous system) so you’ll need to know the right techniques and the right tools to use! There are a variety of toys for BDSM sold in-stores and online but picking the wrong one or using it improperly can put you and your partner at risk. I will gradually introduce and educate you on a wide range of sex toys and the sensations they can evoke when applied to the body through various techniques. This is also taught in a very hands-on way, something that you will not learn simply by reading an article or watching a video.

I am also a versatile partner (switch) meaning that I can either be the “top” or the “bottom” in our encounter. In other words, I am comfortable being on receiving or giving end. Actually, this is where a lot of the fun in my work comes from! When working with couples, I find it both fun and challenging to see where I fit into their equation and become a part of their already existing chemistry to help make it even better. I can integrate myself to create threesome play for couples who are looking for that. In other situations I can simply watch over you and your partner as you two engage in the play, just like how a coach would watch and instruct their players!

One of the most important aspects of BDSM as therapy that I work with couples on is developing a mutual understanding of limitations through communication and learning about levels of pain. I help couples openly communicate with one another, as well as developing “safe words” that can be used in every situation. This can also help couples improve overall communication in their relationship.

Most importantly, I enable each partner to experience varying intensities of pain so that they can develop reference points. Why is that important? It is irresponsible to inflict pain on your partner if you do not know what that pain feels like. Without knowing what the pain is like, you risk taking your actions to the level where the pain is no longer pleasurable for your partner. For instance, how would know how hard or how soft to spank your partner with a wooden handle if you’ve never had it done to yourself? It’s just as important to receive in order to give and that’s what I help my clients learn.

Experiencing something as intense as BDSM can be a thrilling experience for both partners. Venturing into the world of kink play certainly spices things up to new levels. It takes each partner into an uncharted territory filled with things that have yet to be learned. Just like going through any kind of new experience with your partner, like getting on a new roller coaster together, BDSM is another type of experience that helps couples create shared memories.

Moreover, the pleasure that couples derive from BDSM play transpires beyond physical pleasure into psychological pleasure. BDSM requires couples to put a great deal of trust into each other, the kind of trust that may have never been given before. This often strengthens the fibers of their intimacy. If you’re submissive, you relinquish control of yourself to your partner. In a modern society where we’re always told to have control over our body and emotions, this experience simply allows you to “just let go”, which can be exhilarating. If you’re dominant, you’ll be given power and access to someone’s body in ways you’ve never experienced before. Knowing that someone has entrusted and empowered you with control over their body is a wonderful feeling – it makes you appreciate that person even more.

If you’ve always wondered about BDSM therapy or fantasized about it, don’t be intimidated! Write me here or at [email protected] and we’ll embark on an adventure together!