Group sex, threesomes, and orgies are widespread fantasies of not just my clientele, but also of the average human being. It takes a certain degree of self-awareness to determine if you’re interested in actually acting out the fantasies you have or if you’d prefer to keep them in the recesses of your mind. It takes quite a bit more intuition to determine if group sex would be a fun, cool memory to make with your partner or a nightmare that awakens that ugly, green monster: jealousy.

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If you think you’d like to make your group sex fantasy a reality, there’s no safer way to do it than at a brothel with a legal sex worker. But bringing it up to your partner can be daunting, especially if you’re worried they’ll feel threatened by the idea. Below, I’ve compiled some tips to make the conversation as painless as possible and conversation starters for those who don’t know quite how to say it out loud.

Timing Is Crucial

When is the best time to bring up group sex with your partner? Only you will know the right moment, but there are a few times it’s certainly better not to have the conversation. For instance, if you’re going through a rough patch and engaging in couples therapy, chances are it’s best to wait until you’re on more solid ground. Or, if you’re mending from recent infidelity, it’s also probably not the best time to mention your interest in group sex. Don’t ask during a time when your partner may feel pressured, like during a fight or on an anniversary. And I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again: it’s never, ever a good idea to surprise your partner with a threesome. Lastly, don’t bring it up during sex. Sure, it might be on your mind, but you don’t want your partner to question your focus on them.

If both you and your partner are sexually adventurous, or conversely, stuck in a bit of a sexual routine, feel free to bring it up when you have the time to have a serious conversation. Don’t do it while you’re out with friends or the kids are around. Wait until you’re alone, and the pressure is off. If you haven’t spoken in detail about your fantasies before, start there.

Find out about your partner’s fantasies, and then bring up the things that interest you. Ask honestly about the possibility of doing these fantasies, and then accept your partner’s answer without guilt or resentment. Perhaps your partner isn’t interested, or perhaps your partner just isn’t interested right now; either way, that sexual activity is off the table until they have a change of heart. On the other hand, if they show just as much excitement as you do, you’ll want to find out a bit more.

Get the Details

Group sex can take on many forms. Do you want to try a threesome? If so, what does the gender breakdown look like? If you’re going to add in an extra woman, are you willing to try an extra man next time? Think about these things, so that you’re not surprised by the questions your partner may ask you. At the brothel, the threesomes I have differ based on who is the focus. Do you want me and your partner to focus on pleasuring you? Or, would you and I focus on pleasing your partner? Sometimes, both partners focus on me, which I love. But honestly, I’m a big fan of all three of the configurations.

If you’re more interested in an orgy, what does that look like? Is there a fetish involved? Did you want it to include an element of role-play, costume, or themed fun? We can make any of these dreams happen at the brothel, and you won’t have to worry about jealousy springing up after the fact.

Most importantly, ask your partner which activities are off the table. Just because your partner is interested in attending an orgy with you doesn’t necessarily mean they’re cool with watching you penetrate someone else. And, simply because they’ve agreed to a threesome doesn’t mean it’s a free-for-all where you can do and say anything you please. They may not want you to kiss the third person, or maybe they are okay with you having oral sex—but nothing else. The best option is always to find out in advance because trying to repair the relationship afterward is an uphill battle. There are some things you just can’t un-see.

Game Plan

Another crucial issue is to have a game plan if you happen to run into someone you know. Again, this won’t be an issue if you have group sex at a brothel since we’re experts at discretion. But in real life, this issue may come up. Going to your kids’ tee-ball tournament is going to be awkward if you don’t know how you’re going to address your neighbor when the last time you saw her, she was sitting on your husband’s face and screaming her own last name.

Lastly, talk about how you’ll stay safe. Most relationships, no matter how non-monogamous they are, have a requirement of sexual safety, meaning you are only fluid-bound to one partner or a closed group of folks you trust. Talk about condoms, dental dams, and birth control, if applicable. Never leave anything up to chance in this arena! And again, if you have group sex at a brothel, you can leave it up to the experts here at the Moonlite, who will ensure everyone has the threesome of their life—all while not transmitting anything.

How to Use Your Mouth

So, even though you’ve picked the perfect time to discuss your fantasy, you still need to know the right words. Feel free to use some of the conversation starters below, if you’re stuck on how to bring it up:

  1. Have you ever had a threesome before?

Follow up: I have, but I think it would be extra fun with you. Or: I haven’t, and I’d like to try it with you.

  1. If we were going to try something new sexually, what would you want that to be?

Follow up: I’d love to have a threesome—but only if you were on board. I’d want you to feel comfortable with every aspect, from start to finish, because I value our relationship.

  1. Do you have any sexual fantasies that you haven’t told me about yet?

Follow up: I’d love to have a threesome—but only if you were on board. I’d want you to feel comfortable with every aspect, from start to finish, because I value our relationship.

Quick PSA: there are no words you can or should use to “convince” your partner to do this. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with the person who’s always pressuring for a threesome. So don’t be that guy. Be the guy who asks respectfully.

Let’s Have Group Sex!

When you and your partner are ready, let me handle the planning of our threesome. Email me at [email protected], and let me know what kind of threesome you’ve been dreaming of.