Everyone needs to have a bucket list for sex. Why? Well, it’s one part dreaming about the future, one part total fantasy, and one part strategic planning and goal-setting. It’s a way to get to know yourself and your partner better, to assess your current sex life, and understand where you want it to go. It’s also a good reminder that there are still sexual frontiers you haven’t explored.

On a bucket list, you can go a little beyond the realm of what’s currently possible and put down your wildest hopes and dreams for what could be. Without one, you could settle into a routine, which almost always leads to sexual boredom. Don’t do that! Instead, consider my list of ideas below as a jumping-off point for your own sexual bucket list.

Perfect Positions

Chances are that you haven’t explored as many sexual positions as you’d like. If that’s the case, add some sex positions to your sexual bucket list! You could thumb through the Kama Sutra (though many of those positions require a certain amount of strength and flexibility), or you could look online. Maybe you’d like to try every position in the Kama Sutra at some point, which is an A+ goal to have on your bucket list.

One often-overlooked way to incorporate a new position into your sex life is to do so during oral sex. For instance, the “69” position can be uncomfortable for whoever is on top due to neck strain. Try a side 69, where both of you are on your side, which makes this position a lot easier for longer play sessions. Facesitting can also be a fun way to amp up the heat during oral sex.

Know Your Kinks

It’s a very rare person who has no kinks at all. And if you don’t know what yours are, it can be a lot of fun to find out! There are a few ways to discover your non-vanilla side. You could go online and take a kink test. Or you could engage in some self-reflection. Are there common themes in your fantasies, porn searches, and the type of erotica you read? If so, you may have found your kink. Maybe you love to see someone tied up or wearing high heels, or perhaps you love the idea of group sex.

Then, once you’ve identified what your kink is, explore that kink. You don’t have to head to the dungeon just yet if you’re not comfortable with that idea. But you could listen to audio erotica based on your kink or tell your partner about what you’ve learned. Dipping your toe in slowly is an excellent way to get started.

And keep in mind that just because you’ve identified a kink doesn’t mean your sex always has to be kinky. You can try it once or twice and keep it in the memory box if you don’t want to have it be a permanent part of your sex life. Remember, this is a bucket list, not a plan to get into a new sexual routine, so dream big.

Location, Location, Location

Having sex in a different place—like on an airplane, hot air balloon, or somewhere a bit public—is a huge adrenaline rush. Yet, having sex in public doesn’t have to be as risky as it sounds. There are many ways to engage in it without fear of repercussions.

People with vulvas could buy a panty vibrator or other toy to bring along on their next date. Experiencing the thrill of being turned on and swept away by your own arousal in public is fun—and panty vibes make it easy and discreet. Or you and your partner could have sex somewhere semi-public, like in your backyard at night or on a private beach. These situations will feel daring, but you aren’t likely to get caught as long as your behavior remains inconspicuous.

Shiny New Toys

No one should go their whole life without the joy of a brand new sex toy. Though sex toy stigma persists, no one should feel ashamed about having their nightstand stocked with a few essentials. Pick out something that will help you experience a new type of pleasure—like nipple clamps or a vibrating butt plug.

Group Sex

Group sex is one of the most common fantasies around. So, if you have the fantasy of group sex, you’re not alone—and it might not be too hard to find someone to join you and your partner. Plus, there’s a lot to love about group sex—multiple attractive people around, extra stimulation, and the sky is the limit as far as activities you can engage in together. It’s twice as sexy and infinitely more fun.

The important thing is to take steps beforehand to mitigate jealousy and protect your relationship. And sometimes, the best idea is to have your first threesome with a sex worker since the jealousy factor will be significantly reduced.

Roleplay

Roleplay is such fun that it should probably be on everyone’s sexual bucket list. There’s so much you can do to make a fantasy come to life, from the costumes to the setting to getting into character! If you take your time and do it right, roleplay can make the impossible feel real.

Things That Don’t Belong on a Bucket List

Some things are too sacred to belong on your bucket list—including people’s identities. So, skip any mention of people’s races, trans people, minors, animals, or anything of that nature. Stick to things that are legal and not problematic.

Check Off Your Bucket List With Me

If you want help seeing some of these fantasies come to fruition, contact me. There’s nothing I love more than diving into the details to help someone’s lifelong fantasy come true. Email me at [email protected], and we can start planning together.