Confidence matters. Confidence is more than an elusive concept, it often affects our behavior and actions. In dating and sex, confidence is not only a very attractive quality, it’s an important part of successfully meeting new people and having the resilience and trust in one’s self to experience new things, including new sexual horizons!

When flirting, confidence can make all the difference. Consider the difference between the statements, “Maybe we could go out tonight if you’re up for it…” and “Let’s go out tonight! I have a great place I’d love to take you to!” Confidence helps us be and feel more attractive and convey genuine interest for others, both in and out of the bedroom. It help us not only with what we say, but how we say it!

So let’s say you want to be your most confident self in the bedroom or on that date. How do you start? The first step is understanding your current confidence level, and then, if you’re not satisfied with where you are with regard to that personality dynamic, it’s time to make a change!

Try taking the following quiz to get a sense of how confident you feel in the bedroom and when dating.

Sexual Self-Esteem Self-Assessment Quiz

Score Your Answers 1-5

1                              2                              3                              4                              5

No                           Mostly No                Maybe                     Mostly Yes               Yes

____     When I look in the mirror, I’m happy with what I see

____     It’s easy for me to get in the mood for sex

____     I am comfortable masturbating

____     I am able to orgasm during sex with a partner

____     I feel relaxed talking to a potential partner about sex

____     I believe I am able to satisfy my partner sexually

____     I am able to flirt with those I find attractive

____     I am comfortable communicating during sex

____     I can share my sexual fantasies with others

____     I do not feel pressured to fake an orgasm

____     I believe I am attractive

____     I am comfortable with sex toys

____     I am able to ask others about their sexual preferences


13-30     This indicates lower sexual self esteem

31-50     This indicates average sexual self esteem

50+         This indicates above average sexual self esteem

Did your result surprise you? If you’re not happy with your result and want to improve, here are some helpful hints for maximizing your self-esteem and becoming your most confident self!

Tips and Tricks for Boosting Confidence

No one becomes a sex guru overnight, it takes effort and energy- everyone starts at the same place

  • Self Awareness – Boost your confidence by understanding how you feel, and why you feel that way. Oftentimes there is an underlying reason for your lack of confidence- set goals to overcome those hurdles by exploring your emotions.

Example: Nervous to ask someone out after being rejected

  • Knowledge is Power – A lack of education often plays a big role in confidence- by understanding not only your body, but also your partner’s, you feel much more secure in the bedroom. Learn how your body works, what your sexual preferences are, and how to communicate those to your partner.

Example: Knowing female anatomy and the female arousal cycle

  • Practice makes perfect – Consider seeking professional assistance if you’re lacking in sex education, or sex experiences. Open yourself up to having new experiences so things don’t feel scary or new. This is a great option for virgins or those seeking to bounce back from a failed relationship.

Example: Understanding leverage and angling during intercourse

  • Positive mindset via visualization – What you believe manifests into reality- the number one cause of sexual dysfunction is a lack of confidence. The fear of not performing often causes dysfunction in the first place. Overcome this by mentally picturing the desired outcome over and over again, until you believe you can make that happen. It’s okay to rehearse what you want to do in your mind’s eye.

Example: See yourself slowly undress your partner- first their shirt, then their bra, etc.

I hope this helps! And if you’d like more hands-on work for boosting your sexual confidence, reach out to me here to book an appointment!